unconditionally, irrevocably in love with you

I don't know how am I feeling now. I read through the emails I emailed Carmen a few months ago. I felt that I was too in love with him. I felt that I was really a fool, a damn fool. I don't know why would I do that. It's not that I've really let go now. I've let go gradually but it's still not enough to return to myself to the month of march to early April this year. Thursday is the day which the Form fives waited long. I'm not too sure if I'm desperate to go or not.

I realize that I was too desperate for something, something that I will never ever achieve successfully. For the whole year, the most that I would regret is that I've the intention, that bad intention! Prom is just around the corner, indeed. I hope that I will never have that bad bad bad intention so that I could concentrade on something final I wanted to achieve, something that will make me feel good...

I really wanted to ask someone, am I right doing this? Should I continue this act? Or should I be last time me during High School times? which always is stuffed in the inside of me, no sharing, just by myself? I guess I am being too foolish again. I'm going to Japan in 5 days time, coming back from Japan, High School is not going to be suitable for me to enter any longer and I would be staying at home that first month of 2009 with kye li. It will help. I know it will.

Thinking back to the High School times this year, my friend once told me
"Courage is the willingness to be afraid and yet act in order to get what you want!"
I understand it. I still remember myself kept struggling to show my courage and yet nothing happened, it remained silent, peaceful. I doubt anything would happened as well though sometimes I kept visualize the possibilities.

I don't think I need the courage anymore to complete my mission but Carmen, I will remember what you told me or advice me before, I swear I will! Thanks for your advice though. Next year, I will not be able to share with you anymore you are going to
K college!!! haha!!

I will know the truth on this coming Thursday but I will controll myself, I know I can! =D


Good luck.Prom Night. Host family